Holidays are stressful enough and now add to that caring for an elderly parent or someone with dementia and you have a holiday recipe for depression. You want to enjoy the season, but you may be worried about an aging parent who is living alone or is no longer able to attend the traditional family gathering. Guilt creeps in and depression can be a result of the worry of caring for a senior parent who has dementia or Alzheimer’s Disease. This is supposed to be "the most wonderful time of the year" but it's completely normal for you to feel sad, confused, worried or frustrated by the upcoming holiday gatherings.

Holiday Family Gatherings – Reality Check

It may be at one of this year’s family gatherings that you notice a family member is less comfortable socializing and withdraws from the fun of the holiday event. As Alzheimer’s progresses, a person can feel uncomfortable and overwhelmed by crowds. They often feel anxious or on edge because they're confused about whom they're with, what's going on or where they are.

Pay special attention to see if there are changes in personality. Can they follow a conversation or are there changes in personality or behavior or memory? They may ask, “What time of the year is it?” “Why does the house look different?” “Why is there so much activity?” “Who are all these people?” Or they may announce, “I just want to be alone.”

Old Traditions May Be Replaced with New Traditions

Don't set yourself up for disappointment by dwelling on the past. Traditions may need to be altered to accommodate your needs and the needs of an aging parent. Past traditions and memories, like singing old holiday songs, watching classic Christmas movies, and looking though old family albums, may help a person with dementia to be a part of the season. New traditions can be started. Simple repetitive activities are safe and fun to do with a loved one with dementia. Don’t be afraid just because the loved one has been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. Be yourself and draw the person into the conversation by discussing old memories.

Caregivers Need to Be Noticed Too

Is the family member who is the caregiver feeling overwhelmed or stressed? Take a moment to sit down with the caregiver and ask, “How are you doing” or “Tell me what you are feeling”.  Offer to give the caregiver a break.

Depression is common during the holidays especially among older adults and caregivers. Sadness can be due to a sense of loss because of missing a loved one or because your loved one is not the same person as in previous holidays. Special traditions like decorating the tree or celebrating Hanukkah by lighting the menorah may not register with the parent or loved one with memory loss.